A (Sarcastic) Toast To All The Lechrous Creeps, I Have Encountered

Image by Janos(Pexels)

Being a woman, this is like a part of the deal — encountering such species, lurking around, waiting to grab…. opportunities. And if you are having an awful day, even other things.

I have tolerated my fair share of creeps — in public transports, on roads, and the popular place, i.e., within the family. I am sure you will agree that every family has them. They are a must. An unavoidable flavor that completes the platter. Omnipresent.

As I grew up, creeps were all around. Their actions ranged from as harsh as inappropriate touching to hooting, wolf-whistling, commenting on clothes, and statistics, in my case, the absence of it. I was called a carrom board, you can assume why. Anyways, things like this happened too often.

Ironically and astonishingly, it was so common that it felt normal.

It was almost like expecting the heat on a sunny day! So much that when I had a job posting in the northeastern part of India, where no such things happen(thankfully), it felt so-not-normal. As if something was missing.

That said, these people have some remarkable abilities, which I would like to dwell upon today.

Master of poker face

I remember being touched appropriately on a bus, and that was my first encounter with this species. I was both confused and scared. But I was not letting it go. So I looked at the person who had the maximum probability of committing the act.

Normalcy was written all over the face.

Now I was scratching my head. That is not the face of a guilty man! That threw me off track. Maybe it was innocuous. I let go. And minutes later, it happened again! I turned back to a face with a deep frown as if agitated with MY behavior!

Okay, now I was getting it. Following the adage- offense is the best defense, anh? So, when it happened the third time, I was quick on the uptake. Caught ya.

But I have to give some credit to that holding the ground approach — slow claps.

The perfect example of being happy with less!

Work hard for more, but first, learn to be happy with what you have.

This is what our wise ones have preached to us. And look who follows it to the t!

They are such minimalists! They derive so much pleasure from so little. They should be on TED talks, man. Imagine if everyone could follow in their footsteps and be so contented in life.

A mere touch, and they are blissful. A brush, and they have attained nirvana!

Oscar grade performance

This one is for the ones spotted in family circles. Oh, what performances.

For a second, you doubt yourself. Maybe it was a twin or a look-alike. Maybe it was just an affectionate touch or a mistake. You start questioning yourself and debate whether to report it to your parents.

They are the hideous ones.

They believe in the equality of genders

Not just women, they also consider men. Oh, what respect for women. A rare breed that treats all genders equally. Others- take a leaf from this book. Again, slow claps.

They read you like a book

They are great people readers. They usually…yes, I say usually, coz I have also seen some of them miss and the consequences haven’t been very favorable to their physiques. But again, usually, they get it right. Confused and vulnerable ones are their targets. Ones who will not resist and nor create a ruckus. Well, that’s an art, honed by practice and patience.

All you ladies and lads who have tasted this bitter truth, I feel for you.

And, all you creeps out there; this one was for you. You are doing a tremendous job. Keep it up.

And chop it.

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