Just Because I Stay At Home, I Am Not Always Free
Things people don’t get about stay-at-home moms/women
Being a stay-at-home mother comes with its own set of nuances. I left one of the most coveted jobs in the country and choose to stay home with my baby. I had two reasons.
One — I am a paranoid mother whose mind jumps to the worst probable outcome, at the drop of a hat, especially when it comes to dear ones.
And two — I strive to give the best to whatever I do. Hence, somewhere down the line, I was sure that balancing both work and home would have ended up with me being in a complete burnout situation.
Hence, I let go of one and choose the other.
Now, while I shed the working avatar and crawled into my mommy skin, a lot of things changed. Some were pleasant and some not. But as time went by, I sensed that there are some underlying assumptions people have about the whole staying-at-home situation.
What I am going to do is list down some of them — the commonality is, all of them irk me.
I am free all the time
“Hey! I was on my way to the office, so thought will catch up with you.”
“I am waiting for my boss to come, but then, being the ***** she is, she will not be on time. What’s happening at your end?”
Excuse me. I am not your time filler. Sorry. I too have a lot in my hands, which sadly, I am not okay with just dropping it and helping kill your time till you reach the office or till your boss arrives.
It is as if I am being told-
“I am sure you are not doing anything critical. Come on, you don’t even contribute to the GDP. It’s not like you are making some earth-shattering discoveries!! So please, don't act up and paint it with a thick layer of gravitas.”
It is quite important to respect others’ time and act accordingly. So, please, don’t rub your oh-so-important busyness in my face. And next time check with me if I am free.
I am a MasterChef
I am from India, where cooking is a female-dominated area of work. It is expected from the lady of the house to nourish the household and cook sumptuous and delicious delicacies. We have more-than-we-can-handle festivities to keep our hands full of ladles and spoons at all times.
So, since I am not doing a conventional out-of-home job, nobody gets my writing work. And going by the adage-practice maketh a man perfect, I am no less than a MasterChef by now.
Whenever something related to cooking crops up, it feels like they should ask me. Logic- she does that a lot. She is at home, silly.
I cook. And I cook well. But not because I am at home. It is because I love it. I love to experiment and prefer home-cooked low-oil food. It has nothing to do with my being at home.
Clear?
I do not earn (enough)
Home-based jobs are still considered low as compared to conventional jobs. Sort of compromise situation to be in. You get to look after the kids and also be ‘engaged’. Because, again, after all, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.
But, thanks to the Covid situation and web connectivity, work from home has become is an easier and more doable option than before. But, then, the conventional mindset of a job space still revolves around an amalgamation of desks and chairs in enclosures of glass.
I am amongst many people, mainly female, who is yet to break that taboo. Phew!
I have watched everything on Netflix
Oh! This one is good.
The algorithm works something like this: At home>no rush>no work>more free time>Netflix>some more Netflix.
Netflix is for people who have nothing better to do? Or people who have no work.
Why, in the name of God, would I spend all my time watching Netflix!? It is not like I don’t, but that is not all that I do.
By the way, my husband has more watch time than me and he is in a conventional job! Beat that.
My child will be a rocket scientist
Since I am around my child, I should vomit all my wisdom, my time, and my energy into motherhood. I ought to squeeze out everything possible the world offers and make capsules out of it and feed her. Who will do it better than a mom, right?
There is a basic assumption with people, around me especially, that since I am at home, I should always hover around my child and dedicate each waking second to her. Sacrifice is a great virtue to have as a mother. It is a badge worn with pride around my part of the world.
Doesn’t work. There is so much one can do for their child. Rather than being involved in every activity of the child, guiding them to choose to do the right thing is the foremost responsibility of a parent.
It is not about managing their today; it is more about making them ready for tomorrow.
Okay, time for my siesta..
Joking. This is another of the generic notions about people who stay at home.
As I hurriedly bid goodbye, I want to tell (scream) to people who think they know all about us stay-at-home moms — please know:
We are not free all the time! And we live a productive life.
